Whip It! is a movie about a young girl who finds her true self (which does not involve beauty pageants) with the confidence and strength she gains when she joins a roller-derby team.  I haven’t seen it yet, but I probably will at some point because I love roller-derby and I love movies with strong female characters, and it looks like Whip It! may be a pretty good combination of the two.  However, I am rather concerned that if I see it I might catch The Gay.  For you see, post-grad psych major/film critic Jeremy Clyman assures me that a female with an “inexplicable” love of roller-derby and strong women is a lesbian.  And really, love for roller-derby IS completely “inexplicable.”  There’s no reason why anyone would like roller-derby, especially since Clyman’s critique has informed me that roller-derby players wear rollerblades. (WTF?)  There is also the issue that the film was directed by a woman (Drew Barrymore), has a cast of predominately strong, independent, athletic females with males on the periphery, and is targeted toward a female audience.  So yeah, I mean, how dykey can you get?  Although, it’s only a logical conclusion to reach, since movies directed by a man, with a cast of predominately strong, independent, athletic males with females on the periphery, targeted toward male audiences are actually all about gay sex and straight men who watch those movies will totes catch The Gay.  You knew that, right?

Lesbian Fantasy, Disguised

Super Secret Lesbian Message as Deciphered by a Dudebro